...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
