You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
