I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
North Korea, Best Korea!
my phone needs a breathalizer
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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