he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
