Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
