wat bout pragnant strippers??
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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