I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
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