drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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