My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
