Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I deserve this hangover.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
