I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
