Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
