fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
stop calling my apartment porn island.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
