I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
