apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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