i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
