If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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