mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
