Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
