There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize