do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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