I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
