I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
