You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Your shirt... Was in my pants
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
