note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
