god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
