I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
