dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
