So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize