I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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