Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
