We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
