I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
