I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
