i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
