I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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