I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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