I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
we should paint friendship bongs
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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