Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize