He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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