Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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