Are we in a gay sports bar?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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