obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
