after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
