i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
