bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
