I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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