I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
