She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
