K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
