So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
