Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
