I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
