you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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