i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
