I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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