sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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