ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
