Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
