he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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