Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
