I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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