yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
