Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
