Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Randomize
