Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
