Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
