So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
