My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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